Friday, May 25, 2012

A personal quit update..

....Well, confession, really. This is a really personal post for me. As I posted earlier, I slipped yesterday. I smoked a few cigarettes. Today was a new day... right? Well, for most of the day, it was, and I was doing well. Then, I spoke with my husband, who told me he thought it'd be fine if I continued to smoke one or two a day for a while, and then stopped once I was in a new habit. I was pondering this, and actually bought myself more. I know, this was stupid, and I shouldn't have done it. It remained unopened for a few hours, and I was proud of myself. Then, nap time came around for my daughter. She really didn't have any interest in taking her nap. I was getting frustrated, and eventually, ended up yelling.. no.. it might have been closer to screaming at her. She started crying (and understandably so..) I hugged her and told her I was sorry that I yelled, and that I didn't ever want to yell at her like that again, and that mommy made a mistake. I got her calmed down, and, knowing she was tired, she finally fell asleep for her nap. (I don't know if I've posted about this, but my daughter takes a nap late in the day so that she can spend time with my husband before he leaves for work) I felt SO guilty. So overwhelmed by the fact that, in my withdrawal state, that I was unable to control my emotions around my child like that. If I was yelling at almost anyone else, it wouldn't have bothered me as much. Anyone else who might have better understood that I was just going through withdrawals, and that I didn't mean it. But I didn't. I yelled at her. I was able to bring myself back together and became the consoling mother again. I was definitely apologetic. I hate acting like that around her. I don't want to be that kind of mom. I posted before, about how I want to quit because I have an image of how I want to see myself as a wife and mother. Trust me when I say that yelling and screaming isn't in that image either. There will be a lot of posting about different things I want to do to fit the image I want myself to be. Back to the point, however... After she went down for her nap, I felt guilty, and, knowing that the way to control what happened, is to stop the withdrawal, so I smoked. Please don't think that I'm giving up. I felt almost as guilty for doing that, as I did for yelling at my daughter. I am not giving up. I will find a way around this. After coming back inside, I was watching television, and one of those more graphic anti-smoking ads came on television. You know, the one with the lady who gives her "tips on getting ready for the day", where she has to put teeth in, a wig on, and a hands free thing for the hold in her throat. At the end of that commercial the "1-800-quit-now" thing popped up, and I called. After talking to them, they helped me to establish some ways to cope with that angst-like feeling that I get that's associated with the nicotine withdrawal. They also said to taper for a few days, have one or two a day, and then quit for good again on Tuesday. If you want to quit, or if you're even considering it, I highly suggest that you call them. They are so helpful. They will stay on the phone with you for as long, or as short as you keep them there talking and asking questions. It is a national program, all states have this hotline. They help you to make a plan catered to your own needs and wants. They also offer support and advice. So, basically, I'm giving myself a couple of days, I am going to taper and cut way back in those few days, and then I'm going to start fresh, and use the tips that they offered me, and I will probably use them as a source and an outlet. Because I'm realizing that an outlet is basically what I need. (This blog may become a bit of an outlet for me also.) I will continue when I quit, to use the quit tea during my daughter's nap time and after bedtime. Only during times when I can afford to be drowsy, because it causes great drowsiness some of the time. (but it does help with cravings every time I drink it.) I think that I am also going to continue doing this cold turkey (unless you count the Quit Tea). I really do want to end up successful, and smoke free. I also want these posts to ultimately end up being inspirational to other smokers, so this is a big motivation (among other things obviously) for me. Please leave feedback, whether it's good or bad. I want to hear what you all think of my struggles with this.


  1. Congrats for taking the first step to wanting to quit. as being a child around smoke for the first 9 yrs of my life and hating to go to school smelling of smoke because of my parents habits,and having a cough alot because of it, your child will one day thankyou for that choice of quiting and sticking to it. maybe if you think about it as if you are doing it for your family who loves you, for your child, it might help some too. i'm glad you called that hotline, call it more if you feel the urge to smoke again. posting on here also gives you accountability to yourself and to readers, as you never know who also is going through the same type of situation who reads this and needs some encouragement as well. i pray that you are able to let go of this habit and live your life habitless. I hope you do well in your quest! Good luck!

  2. When I was 4 years old (30 years ago), I was shown a replica of a black lung at school. 4 years old! I was scared to death because my dad was a smoker. I went home, took CARTONS of his cigarettes, opened each one up and broke them in half. After realizing what I had done and how much trouble I would be in, I hid under my brother's bed for HOURS until my dad got home. I never heard my mom telling him what I did, I just remember him coming in to my brother's room and pulling me from under the bed. I thought for sure I would get spanked. My dad hugged me and quit COLD TURKEY that day. I am new to your page and am not sure if you have tried the electronic cigarettes...I referred a friend of mine who owns Vapor Cabin (She is always doing giveaways) to your page...if you haven't tried that option yet, maybe she could send you a sample? Regardless, don't beat yourself up over your mistakes. I always say there is no such thing as a mistake if you learn from it and it sounds like you have. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and remember that tomorrow is a new day. How you choose to live it is entirely up to you and hopefully, you can envision my story in your head...if you can spare your daughter the image of a black will be her biggest hero! I too will pray for you. Good luck!

  3. Thank you for your feed back on Quit Tea. It definitely helps calm you down and helps with the cravings, but for some calms them down too much, like knocks them out. I drink it before bed still if I think I'm going to have trouble falling asleep. Keep it up!


I would love to hear from you! Talk to me!