Since before Christmas, I have been posting about wanting to lose weight, and the journey I have been taking with that. I kind of stopped posting for a while, because I've been focusing on it so hard. I have lost a total of 32 pounds since I started posting about it. This brings my grand total (I kind of have a somewhat interesting story about my whole journey that I'm about to share with you also.) to 65 pounds lost. I now weigh 45 pounds less than I did when I got pregnant with my daughter five years ago. I am proud of my progress, but am suddenly feeling stuck, and I know exactly why, I just need to fix it. Right now, I am at 208.
Now, for a little bit about my story. About two years ago, I weighed in at a whopping 270 pounds (I am actually still really ashamed of that number, but you need to hear it to know where I was, where I started.) at only 5'4. I was huge, sluggish, and I was severely lacking in motivation, confidence, and any kind of self love. I don't know what happened, but something sparked and I decided that I really wanted a change. I started eating right (let's face it, if you weigh that much, no matter what you tell people, no matter what you eat around them, you're NOT eating right. Just like anything else in life, admitting that you have a problem, and what those problems are, is the very first step in fixing them. I will write more about that in a moment also) and working out every day. When the weight started coming off, I was proud of myself and the things that I accomplished.
Then, after a few months of doing great, and losing over 30 pounds, we had some terrible neighbors move into our apartment building below us. EVERY sound that they heard, they felt warranted either a knock on our door, or worse, written and verbal complaints to our rental office. They eventually began, desperately trying to get us evicted, and for a while, we nervously thought that their efforts would pay off for them. I don't have a babysitter, I am the only caretaker for my daughter, and we weren't able to afford a gym membership with childcare. We didn't live in a place where we could just go work out outside, and I just didn't have the support system to have workout buddies or anything else. These were all my reasons for ceasing my weight loss. These were all my excuses. Because, you see, not only did I stop working out, I was no longer eating right. I had excuses for that at the time also I'm sure, but I do not remember what they are at this time. I still had a two year old at the time, so I did still have problems with the neighbors despite the fact that I was no longer working out. Life was tough for us for that short while.
We dealt with those neighbors for almost a year while finding a house, and then waiting for it to be built. Then we moved. When we first moved in, I had lost a few of the DVDs and stuff I was working out with, so I had more excuses. Eventually, I got tired of having those excuses, and started again, but when the weight wasn't coming off (honestly because I wasn't trying hard enough) I would give up.
Finally, this past December, I just hit rock bottom emotionally. It's something that I really believe just has to happen for some of us in order to really make a change. You probably won't even realize that this is what's happening until you begin to change and feel better. I can't explain it, but if when you get there and work through it, you'll know. This happened, and ever since, I have been really trying hard, eating right, working out. I realize my motivation issues, and when I need to, I seek help from others. I post on Facebook to keep me accountable, and have even asked my husband to act as kind of a "personal trainer" on his days off. I realize now, that I need help to keep me motivated. I am in another stuck place, where the scale and my body aren't changing much, so I realize that it's time for me to find a way to push harder. I will find it and begin moving and pushing harder again. But until I do. This is where I am.
What's your story? Do you feel comfortable sharing? I (as well as others who may need motivation, or can help motivate) would love to hear it in the comments!